I had a job that I hated so much that I used to daydream about slitting my wrists and bleeding out in the hallway.
I had similar feelings during high school. That’s why I cut so much class.
I think that the thing that really killed me was the meaninglessness. During high school, the thing was to sit still and look like I was paying attention for six or seven hours a day, when I was able to teach myself everything in less than half the time by simply reading the books.
When I stopped attending classes, that’s exactly what I did. I ended up graduating early with an A- average and an attendance record that showed that I had been marked absent for at least a semester.
Some people think that you can force people into being someone they are not. I tried to force myself so many times, but it would just end up in meaninglessness and pain.
I mean, the job that I hated looked all right from the outside. It was an easy job. So easy for so many people.
For whatever reason, I could not take it. Inside, I wanted to die so much that I could visualize my bloodstain growing on the carpet.
You don’t get to choose who you are. I was born an independent thinker. Maybe it’s in my blood; my parents are entrepreneurs.
Speaking of blood, I haven’t gotten my period in over two months and my doctor is trying to figure out why. I’m not pregnant, but when I do become pregnant, please do not think that all of the lessons from the experiences above have been wasted on me.
My husband is an angel, and maybe if I get lucky, I will have a child like him. A child so lovable and talented that his soccer coach named his own child after him. A natural in organizations both large and small, well-liked by colleagues, and beloved by my parents as if he were their own biological son.
Or maybe I’ll get lucky in another way. Maybe I’ll have a child like me. Maybe I will understand that child so deeply, that I will be able to fight off all the bad dreams that could have happened. Maybe she’ll get to be homeschooled. Maybe I’ll teach her how to be an entrepreneur.
Being an entrepreneur isn’t easy. How would you describe the experience?